Tobias Silverstein. Photo: Ryan Blau

Photo: Lloyd Wolf - UJC

Young mentors make positive role models

It isn’t easy to get an introverted teenager to open up about his problems and concerns. Even less so when that teen is not enthusiastic about spending time with you. Patience and a deep-seated confidence that he had something to contribute that would help a teen were the tools that Tobias Silverstein employed to bridge the resistance he faced when he started out mentoring a 13-year-old client of Jewish Family Services (JFS).

“I began by asking easy questions, nothing too probing, just to get him talking,” he explains. “As I became familiar with what he enjoys doing, and we started sharing those activities, we had mutual experiences to discuss. Eventually, as trust was built, he began getting into deeper issues and seeking my advice.”

Tobias, a 20-year-old McGill commerce student from New York, volunteered last fall to act as a JFS mentor because he was interested in the opportunity to make a genuine difference in a young person’s life and because he wanted to contribute to our Jewish community. After nearly 10 months with his young mentee, a friendship has developed.

“I really enjoy my time with him,” Tobias says. “We play basketball, go bowling. He’s really a friend that I hang out with, while trying to help him cope with some issues.”

JFS matches its volunteer mentors with compatible teens. They meet, on average, every two weeks. The mentor is in close consultation with a JFS social worker. This is an important element of the program. The teen participants are often at risk and dealing with some very challenging problems. The mentor role is not easy, but is immensely rewarding. The teens are in the program because they are uncommunicative, having problems at home, have experienced difficulty making friends among their peers, and, generally, lack supportive and stable relationships. These are the factors that create the need for a mentor.

While the mentor is an effective confidante and sounding board, he requires professional guidance before he is able to propose advice.

“He knows that I’m in contact with his social worker, so there’s no breach of trust,” Tobias affirms. “But, at the same time, because we’re closer in age, he finds it easier to discuss things with me.”

The mentor is in the unique position of appearing as an authority figure, but without being judgmental. Whereas a parent, or even a counselor, may reproach, the mentor does not. The mentorship is designed to last for a minimum of one year. There are formal guidelines that govern the relationship, as it is necessary that the mentor maintain a certain detachment. Nonetheless, Tobias said, “I’m sure we’ll keep in touch and remain friends even when the formal portion concludes. Of course, we’re working toward a point when he feels confident enough that a mentor is no longer needed.”

JFS is looking for more volunteer mentors. Most are in their 20s, though older individuals may be accepted. The mentees are between the ages of 13 and 17. The most important qualifications for a mentor is that they be sincerely interested in working with teens, that they be dependable, and possess good communications skills.

Anyone interested in mentoring should contact the JFS Volunteer Department at 514-342-0000. More information is available at the JFS web site, at www.jfsmontreal.org.

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